"A few years previously, a similar
situation would have had me sweaty with
anxiety, but loneliness had of late become an
emotion I had stopped feeling so intensely.
I had learned loneliness's extremes and had
mapped its boundaries; loneliness was no
linger something new or frightening -- just
another aspect of life thet, once identified,
seemed to disappear. But I realized a capac-
ity for not feeling lonely carried a very real
price, which was the threat of feeling nothing
at all...." Life after God, Douglas Coupland

Once again reading Mr. Coupland is like reading something carved in my chest with the polluted Chihuahua air.
Chihuahua stands, basically the same, day after day, I cannot say it hasn't changed in all the time I've lived here, neither can say it has. New generations the same as their parents, looking for the same life: the "good" job, the husband or the wife, a house, smaller each generation (my friend Franco is living in a shoebox), If you put attention, and travel from downtown, to get out of chihuahua, you'll notice how the houses are shrinking, even where it suppoused to be a neigborhood of people with m0ney... It's spooky... maybe the sons of my generation are going to live in matchboxes... I don't know much people of my generation cuz they think me weird, I mean, I know shit, or at least try to "know" something at all, all they know or wanna know is someone who they can marry and have a baby, or a buch of 'em. And of course money to do that. maybe I AM weird for wanting more than that for wanting to be anywhere else but here, and they do not get why i dont want a super-job, or something that ties me more in here.

I just wanna be where people doesnt mind I dont wanna have children, or if I'm alone, or if I get a tatoo or another piercing... my sex is my own, my body is my own, my life... I want to be mine... But I'm afraid most of my desitions have been made by Chihuahua's society, in the later years they haven't... that doesn't mean that, being my own master is working out, i mean i still live with my parents. I still would starve to death if my parents kicked me out, Im useless in many ways...

sick