Back in the days....

a post I made for the forum for the movie "Welcome to the dollhouse" In IMDb.com I felt the need to share it in here too:


I was bullied almost my whole basic education. In elementary school kids wouldn't touch me because they said I was carrier of the "ugly" disease and they wouldn't want to get ugly too, my mother didn't do my hair or fixed me up before going to school so I always looked a mess even if I was clean because I bathed every day, and they teased me for that every single day. I preferred to read than play in the yard so I was cataloged a freak, and nobody wanted to talk to me. Once they said I had lice, and the teachers separated me from the group even though I've never had lice. They used to steal other people's lunches and then put them in my back pack so I got punished for that. Then there was a boy who was always saying mean things to me and poking me with his finger the only time I tried to fight back I got severely scolded and punished by the teacher I learned not to fight back, and the teacher knew which people annoyed me the most and always tried to seat me next, behind or infront of them for some reason. I needed glasses and I was always the tallest kid in the class and my parents wouldn't believe I needed them so they wouldn't buy them for me and the teachers always seated me at the back of the classroom and I never could see the blackboard. When at last I got glasses they were very ugly because my mother didn't wanted me to break them so she bought me the ugliest thickest glasses she could find.
When I turned 12 I was C cup in my bra and I had HIPS and I looked like 16 years old when everyone else looked like kids.
Then I went into junior high when someone threatened me to RAPE me, and I was so scared and I told a my spanish teacher who looked like a severe woman who I could trust, she only said it was my fault because I was talking with boys. I changed schools, and in my new school they called me cow and ignored me because it was very very snobbish.. I mean either you wore designer clothes or you were a freak unworth talking to... So they spat on me when I passed, when I had to stand they spat on my seat they spat on my hear while I couldn't see...
I tried to kill my self by the time I was 14, more a cry for help than an actual suicide, but nobody noticed, they I got to be a cutter, cutting my arms and legs just to feel alive. I gained weight because I only felt good when I was eating. I tried to talk with my parents about all this but they only were like you have to be strong and deal with it.

In my house things weren't any better because my parents always worked and many people raised me and my sister, and they never treated us fairly because we had darker skin than theirs, and they were white (we are mexicans) and we were the ugly ducklings, my cousins wouldn't play with us, and my aunts and uncles always treated us like we didn't deserve anything. Then my brother was born, he was white, and he got ill when he was very little, and everyones attention turned to him making everything he wanted... making him a little spoiled prince. He got healthy by the time he had to go to elementary school, but they let him do pretty much he wanted, and obviously in school he was diagnosed with ADD and for that whenever he was behaving like a real prick he had an excuse. He used to say my sister and I had no skin because our skin were dark and looked down on us because of that. By the time he was 11 or 12 he began to hit us, my sister and I, he really beat us hard, specially my sister who was weaker than me, once he dragged her by the hair around the house, and he used to slap her, and hit her with his fists in her body... I usually came between them so she wouldn't feel the punches, and once I pinned my brother against the floor and punched in his face so hard my fists ached for days, after that he never punched my sister again when I was home. My parents usually said you have to understand your brother because he is ADD... It was pretty frustrating...

Then I got to grad school and discovered that I'm smart, pretty damn intelligent and I started to have less and less drama in my life because nobody cared if I was ugly or not, if I had designer clothes or not, they only cared if I had anything in my head and as it turned out all the reading I did when I was younger DID helped... I learned I could be sexy even if I wasn't all that attractive, so I could get boys or girls if I wanted to... I learned I wasn't as bad as all those people made me believe I was... I finished my masters degree two years ago, top of my class and I now work at a University...


I cannot say that I'm completely over all I've been through but I'm getting there.
phew thanks for reading my rant...