How do male and female roles differ in your family?

There's definitely a difference between men and women in my family, even when both have degrees and are very smart. 

Usually women's opinions aren't taken into account as much as men's, and unmarried women (or otherwise taken by men) have less worth into their opinions. 

Men are usually the ones who "hold the truth" and women are made fun of if they have a strong opinion that isn't what the men think is correct.

I'm unmarried and they didn't respect my opinion or started taking me serious (or half-seriously) after I introduced them my ex-boyfriend, they thought I was going to marry. Then they thought I was respectable. They didn't support me as a professional, when talking about topics having to do with what I do every day, they didn't trust me. It changed when my uncle, a military pediatrist, started backing up what I said, and even corrected himself when I got newer information than he did. 

Women are expected to take care of the house, even if they work too, I struggled because my parents wanted me to do things for my brother, like making a sandwich for him, his bed and so on. I refused and labeled a bad woman for it, I don't mind, I AM a bad woman. I'm a good person that's all that matters.

The one woman's opinion everyone appreciates and respects in the whole family is the one of an aunt. My aunt is an international lawyer and she's making the big bucks, and travels often. She's insanely negative in her critiques, never constructive. I don't know how they still listen to her. They float towards her and always stay with her while she has time for us, her family. She has an opinion on everything and anything. Her daughters are utterly neurotic, always obsessed with their weight and their looks, because for my aunt that's the first thing that matters, the second is how much money are you making. My cousins, I love them dearly, at least the oldest and youngest one. The oldest is a family doctor, she had 2 kids and those kids were my eyes (one passed away last May, but I digress). She's both extremely openminded and utterly harsh at judging people, like her mom. The middle one is a trophy wife, she tried to make all of my other female cousins trophy wives like her. Her influence is toxic and when she comes everyone suddenly cares about their weight and vacations, and a shit-load of superficial stuff they don't need. The last one is my age, more or less. We spent a lot of time together as teens and I loved her, she's the only one of my family that didn't treat me like vermin just because I am weird. 

Point is, I don't spend time with my aunt. Everyone feels so bad about themselves when she comes around. I don't know if they notice it, but I do. I don't like that. 

What challenges have you overcome?

I few, I guess.

I'm perpetually struggling against depression, so far winning.

I proved all people at work that no matter what kind of shit they threw in my direction, I was up for the job and do it well.

I went through school bullying and came out, not unscathed but with a few battle scars.

Without support and no money of my own I got a scholarship and put myself through a Master's Degree.

I got a job in an environment where they were letting go psychologists from all kind of companies. In tandem, I always thought I could not be able to stay in a job for more than a few months or a year, now I've been working for ten years in the same institution.

Against all odds I was able to bypass my parents' sabotages and emotional blackmail, get my own house (MY OWN FUCKING PLACE) and support myself and my pets.

What are your personal beliefs?

I was raised as a Catholic. My family is supposed believe in this church, but other than the sacraments and the odd gratitude mass, they stay away from it.

I was very invested in the Catholic faith when I was a kid. My auntie, Dora, was a fervent believer and I spent a lot of time with her when I was a kid, because my parents were otherwise busy. She talked a lot about the apocalypse, or at least it seemed like that to me at the time. It used to scare me shitless and I lay on my bed awake at night thinking over and over again if I did something to deserve to go to hell and trying to understand things like "forever", "infinite", "endless" and "death".

One day, around the time I got my first period, between 10 and 11 years old, I understood death and I wanted to die. I understood that God wasn't there and if he or she was, they didn't care about us or, specifically, me. He couldn't give a shit about my suffering and I failed to see how I deserved the abuse.

Back then, I used to read a lot, even if I didn't have much to read. Eventually I read through metaphisics, Budhist stuff, later, when I was in my late teens and early adulthood I read on Wicca and Satanism. I read more on the Christian faiths and informed myself on Catholic church. I flirted with different beliefs and churches. I have wished at different moments of my life wholeheartedly to be able to believe and be part of a Cult.

It didn't happen, I couldn't begin to feel part of any faith. So I thought I was an atheist. I felt abandoned and alone in a universe where nothing is inconsequential.

Then I learned what being agnostic meant. I felt identified with it. I believe in a higher power, I just don't think it has human characteristics as other faiths will make you think. That "god", isn't caring nor cruel, it just is, and evil and good in the world is it, it isn't sentient but it pulls us towards stuff.

Would you most want to live in a city, a suburb or the country?

My dream is to live somewhere near a big city, where I can travel for the weekend or for the odd event and back home in a couple of hours at most. at the same time I want to be near nature and mountains.

In my fantasies, it rains often and it's mostly chilly. We wear cozy outfits and scarves (I fucking love scarves). I work somewhere I have the flexibility to take off whenever I feel like it. Maybe work from home too.

I can go and sit in the middle of the forest in the quiet and feel the cold, humidity and shad of the trees.

I would be able to attend galleries, bars and concerts at the city as I feel to do it. I meet people who have passions and interesting things to talk about on a daily basis instead of people who settle into routines and don't have passions at all.

I would have access to a wide range of experiences and people around me aren't just apathetic and uninterested in their surroundings as they are here.

I dream to leave. I just don't really know where is like that.

Who is your family?

My Mother is big K. She's educated and very intelligent. She's confident and self asserted to the point she comes up as violent and selfish. I wonder if it's just my conception about how a woman and mother should be. She has little patience for ANYTHING, including her children. She works as an accountant, she has worked very hard as long as I remember. Her father passed away when she was only 15 or 16, and she worked ever since.

My father is big J. His family comes from humble origins but all the males were educated while women were not. He attended college with my mom, where they fell in love. He's eight years older than my mom. He worked as an accountant and had his own firm, before he had a fall out with his partner and then fell ill with diabetes. He never took care of the household drama and willfully ignored my brother's abusive behavior.

My sis is named after my mom so we will call her little K. She's three years younger than me. She was beaten by my brother when we were growing up so much. She's married to someone who takes care of her and seems to love her dearly, I'm glad for that. She sometimes is blunt and innecessarily cruel with her tongue, she says she doesn't understand why she's being hurtful, but I think she secretly revels on the suffering she does. She has a double engineering degree and likes math.

My bro, who is named after my dad, we will call little J. He was very abusive as a pre-teen and teenager, even to his early adulthood. He used to beat his sisters up fairly often. He stopped doing when I was in the house and I pinned him down with my weight (since I've been heavy set for most of my life) and punched him in the face until my fists bled. I distanced from him afterwards. He's getting a divorce from a terrible woman as of now. He seems fairly decent adult now, I still don't like him much because he always discard my talking points as stupid and crazy.

I wish I connected with them a lot more, but being apart makes me appreciate them a lot more now. Not that I want to be near them they make me feel bad about myself. I love them, sure. But not so much.

What did you learn while in your teens?

I learned that it's okay to be yourself, but you have to live with the consequences of your actions while doing that.

People are horrible. Individuals are awesome!

Every single one person in this planet has an interesting story to tell.

Adults are just as helpless as we were. They have no idea.

I learned that I could write stories to get them out of my head and it was rewarding.

I also learned men were the ones who were more violent towards me, but women aided with their silence.

I learned that I'm a weirdo.

What were your favorite childhood shows and characters

I don't really remember the shows I watched as a little kid. I remember the shows I watched as a teen tho.

I remember watching Batman, the one with Adam West, I loved it. I also watched lost in space. I don't remember much about the plots they had, but I do get nostalgia for them. When Adam West passed away, I was very sad.

My mom says I liked "Maya, the bee" and "Burbujas", a Mexican puppet show. I don't remember them.

I remember Liking Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtles, Clarissa Explains it all, Rocko's modern life, Pete & Pete, Saint Seiya and Sailor Moon. I loved Clarissa, Rocko and Pete's Shows because they were so fucking weird, at least compared with the TV that was available for me at the moment. They were surreal, over the top, I didn't know that was what I would be into for a long time, and so far. I loved the anime shows available to me because, besides being weird, they  were serialized and they didn't dumb down for the kids, they didn't do the same stuff over and over again.

Later in life, as an adult, I loved Aeon Flux, Ahh! Real Monsters and Rugrats, all Peter Cung creation. They are weird and ugly but also attractive in a way. They deserve talking extensively, their own entry, which I'm not inclined to do right now.

P.S. I just found out Peter Chung was also involved in the design of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!

Me pregunto

Si de verdad hubo días en los que no me sintiera así aunque en realidad, tan objetivamente como puedo pensarlo, se que sí. Pero se siente como si la felicidad, tranquilidad, paz no hayan existido en mi vida antes.
Lo pienso y no lo digo, pero da vueltas en mi cabeza.

Me doy cuenta de lo tedioso que es, que soy. En serio, lo sé. No puedo evitar saberlo, yo soy la que vive en mi piel. A mi también me harta y me enferma lo triste y monótona que me siento hoy, de lo que me sentí ayer, anteayer, muchos días, casi todos los días. Si supiera como evitarlo, lo haría.

Miento

Soy una mentirosa.
Estoy perfectamente consciente de que hoy, cuando la gente me pregunta como estoy y digo "bien" o "muy bien",estoy mintiendo.
Estoy también consciente de que no quiero que se sepa tampoco, que no se den cuenta de que mi cerebro funciona poco, que me cuesta caminar, deambular, estar aquí.
Y que no tengo opción más que estar aquí y pretender.

Cuando me siento así, no puedo dormir.

No quiero hacer nada.

pero debiera dormir.

Silviaaaa

Hola Silvita :)

No sé q te dio por leer ahora el bló xD pero ps lo tienes hace años nunca me he escondido :P xD estas respondiendo a puros post q son historia antigua

De mi vida... pues no pasa mucho, trabajo y casa... eso es todo. Supongo que no he escrito por que decidí dejar de quejarme tanto xD y sin quejarme no tengo mucho que decir

Te quiero mucho.
Había estado pensando en ti.
Mi email es el mismo y mis cel también :P

He escrito bastante ultimamente, pero nada que se merezca leerse. pero si realmente quieres hacerlo está aqui: http://alexxasick.livejournal.com/

up

ahhh tuve la magnifica idea de rentar UP y ahora me siento en extremo deprimida.
Y una de las cosas que más me molesta de toda esta situación es que... se debe estar bien dañad@ para que una película así te deprima, no?

Angel 4

Me recargo en la pared para no caerme e Irina se inclina conmigo, sus labios sin despegarse de mi cuello, haciéndome que me moje aún más. Hemos dejado de intentar abrir la puerta de mi departamento para solo estar aquí, besándonos. La extrañé, la extrañé tanto que estar tan cerca de ella ha extinguido cualquier pensamiento cuerdo. Lo ha llenado de ella y ella es todo lo que quiero ahora.

La puerta se abre, y Joel nos está viendo, pero no importa porque Irina me aprieta contra ella y sus senos se sienten suaves contra mí y sus hombros angostos se agitan con la fuerza con la que me está sosteniendo, como si temiera que él nos fuera a separar.

Su cabeza contra mi pecho, su barbilla encajada entre mis senos y voltea a verlo, por el rabillo del ojo, antes de volver su atención a mi piel. Se lo agradezco, y mis brazos se enredan más en ella.

No dice nada, ninguno de los dos dicen nada. Irina me jala y Joel se hace a un lado para dejarnos pasar, antes de que cierre la puerta mi blusa está en el piso y ella lucha para liberar los tirantes de mi bra de mis brazos. Ella está tan desesperada como yo, y le agradezco que tome el control, que arranque su propia ropa de su cuerpo porque no tengo la coordinación para hacerlo yo.

Cuando me tira en la cama y jala mi ropa interior bajo la falda que llevo, me lastima cuando la avienta sobre su hombro y me abre las piernas, me expone. Cuando se inclina a chupar mi muslo puedo ver a Joel levantando nuestra ropa, colgándola del respaldo del sillón.

Por un momento puedo conservar mi cabeza lo suficiente para notar que él está sonriendo y no molesto. Irina me hace gritar, me muerde fuerte, quizá no lo suficiente para desgarrar mi piel, pero si como para dejarme un cardenal.

En este momento no me importa la quiero toda, la quiero cuando me hiere, cuando mete sus dedos en mi sin preparación con sus uñas largas y filosas, la quiero todita cuando su boca se apropia de la mía y mis manos se aferran a sus senos.

Su cuerpo desnudo se presiona contra el mío y su rodilla se clava en la cama entre mis piernas presionando mi monte de venus con su muslo y mi cadera se mueve sola contra ella mientras nos besamos. Su boca se convierte en el santo grial, en Excalibur, en la lanza del destino… algo tan épico que deberían escribirse canciones y leyendas acerca de ella. De toda ella, de Irina que con su cuerpo completo me traga, me vuelve parte de ella, me aprieta entre sus piernas y me consume.

Despierto sola en la cama y me aterroriza la idea de que ella odie lo que hicimos anoche, me entra el miedo paralizante de que para ella haya sido solo otro error. Me resisto a levantarme a enfrentar a Joel, a afrontar a su ausencia. Pero justo cuando estoy a punto de resignarme oigo la risa, es corta y baja, como si estuviera tratando de no hacer ruido. Es ella. Y él la sigue riéndose también y dice un “Shhh…” quedo después. Nunca los había escuchado reír al mismo tiempo. Y definitivamente nunca juntos.

Al levantarme los veo en la cocina, ella toma café en la barra, trae puesta una camiseta de Joel y él está frente a la estufa, cocinando, al parecer. Me acerco a ellos y puedo ver la curva del trasero de Irina bajo la bastilla de la tela gris, y ella se inclina más sobre la barra, descubriéndose más. Me siento en el banco, junto a ella y me mira, sonriente, casi radiante.

La beso, no como anoche, solamente un besito cariñoso. La sonrisa está de vuelta en su rostro, Joel se voltea cuando ya no escucha a Irina y me sonríe también. Se inclina y me besa, de la misma manera afectuosa. Volteo a ver a Irina, que sigue sonriendo.

El mundo está bien, todo mi mundo está bien. Nunca me había sentido tan poco deprimida, tan poco cansada, tan poco incómoda. Casi como estar feliz.

_____________

Nota del autor:

Alguien se acuerda de esta serie? xD supongo que no, pero pues siempre quise que Irina volviera, ahora está ahi. yay!

familia esquizo?

Una vez conocí a una familia que cada vez q querían darse ordenes o estaban encabronados unos con otros se decían "mi amor " o "corazón". Imagínate: "No recogiste los juguetes, mi amor, no hay postre para ti"
"Andabas con tus amigos, corazón? y por que no contestabas el celular, mi amor?"

a lo mejor estaban tratando de "endulzar" que sus palabras eran fuertes y esas cosas, pero no es como medio esquizofrenizante que te la están cagando y te dicen cosas que te deberían decir cuando no? Por que ese tipo de palabras no las usaban cuando estaban bien, solo cuando estaban enojados. No es como doble mensaje? sobre todo cuando entre hermanas encontraban maneras pasivo-agresivas para lastimarse aún llamándose mi amor y corazon.
Prefiero mi familia que cuando estamos encabronados nos llamamos "cabrón" e HDP xD